A Letter to my Grandfather

Dear Grangy,

I miss you. I'm sorry I didn't get to say goodbye, but you probably would have wanted it that way so the rest of us would stay safe. You were always one of the kindest people I knew, with a big heart and a smart mind. But you also weren't afraid to bring out the fly-swatter every now and then (iykyk LOL). You were witty too. Everywhere we went, you put smiles on everyone's face and you weren't scared to make a joke.

On one hand, I feel blessed to have gotten almost 20 years of my life with you. On the other hand, I'm really pissed off. Not at you, but at the world. At COVID-19. At the present situation. It's not fair that our family couldn't hold your hand during your last moments or even say goodbye in person. I wonder how many people are going through the same exact thing right now in the world...

I'm worried about grandmother, even though she's one of the strongest people I know---stoic is a better word for her actually. Y'all were married for over 50 years. What is she going to do with herself? At least she has us close by---yes, I'm trying to focus on the positives here. I know that the love y'all shared was truly wonderful, and I'm eternally grateful I got to witness the beauty of it.

You taught me so many things, but my favorite was dominoes. The games of dominoes you, grandmother, and I played throughout the years are some of my fondest memories---memories that I will cherish forever. I feel grateful that I was able to spend as much time as I did with you growing up. You and grandmother took such good care of me, especially when I kept getting all those ear infections. Thank you for that. That was some of the worst pain ever, and you still made me feel better.

I always felt happy when you were happy. I'll never forget the look on your face when I told you I got into Trinity University, your alma mater; even though I didn't end up going there, you were proud of me either way. My goals, ambitions, and aspirations made you proud as well. When I decided to change my major, you didn't judge me. You simply smiled and wished for me to be happy, knowing I would do great things either way.

You inspire me, Grangy. In all ways. You were an outstanding father, husband, dad, grandfather, human, and more. No matter how I felt, you managed to make me feel better. I know that one day, I will see you again. Until then, have a beer with the Big Guy upstairs for me. I love you forever.

With love,

Allie

P.S. A few days ago I lost my grandfather due to underlying health conditions & COVID-19. I decided to write this letter in the hopes that I can let others know who have lost a close loved one that they are not alone and that pain isn't forever. This letter is also a tribute to grangy and an outlet for my emotions (writing is a great way to relieve stress btw).

If you're reading this and have lost a loved one recently, my heart goes out to you. I promise, if I was in front of you right now, I would wrap my arms around you so quick and give you a big bear hug.

It's hard. It's not supposed to be easy. Life isn't supposed to be easy---there wouldn't be any fun in that. And it's perfectly normal to experience anger, sadness, confusion, regret, etc. To heal, you have to feel. Feel those emotions fully, and then learn to let them go. I know it's easier said than done, but once you learn to let things go, life will become so much more fulfilling.

At the end of the day, we need to remember that the situation happening in the world right now is temporary. Things will get better, and if they don't, they don't. It's important to focus on the things you can control. Otherwise, you'll drive yourself insane. Trust me. Time for me to go practice some self-care, and you should do the same ;) Sending prayers and love to all <3